Friday, April 8, 2011

Dark Day

7am. Thursday April 7th, 2011. A day that will live in infamy.

I was getting ready for a day full of appointments in a hotel room in Oklahoma City. While brushing my teeth I noticed a speck of powder or makeup (so I thought) in my hair. Upon closer inspection I realized it was in fact....

A grey hair.
A fucking grey hair.
My first fucking grey hair.
My first fucking, shitty shit shit grey hair.

I yanked it out for confirmation. I froze. The blood ran out of my face and for one split second I thought I was going to faint. I ran to grab the phone and call my mom and Donny, then I realized it would be 5am in California and if I woke them up that early for a classic Oriana style meltdown I would ruin both their days. So instead I stared at it, willing it to change back to my natural dark rich YOUNG color.

It didn't change. As if mocking me it grew more and more silver in the morning light seeping in through the cheap hotel curtains. This little hair, this one follicle, SCREAMING at me "It's over bitch! YOU ARE OLD. Better pack up your unicorns, you have crossed an invisible line and YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

And then I cried.

SO maybe I am a little melodramatic. And maybe, just maybe, I am overreacting a little bit. I know that random grey hairs can pop up anywhere from your teens till your mid 30's. I know it could mean a B12 deficiency (this I learned while freaking out crying and trying to "diagnose" grey hair on web MD) I know I'm not old, that I have plenty of young years left . I have great genes, my mom is 20 years older then me and we are constantly mistaken for sisters. I know trying to stop time is like trying to stop a train with a string of floss. It just can't be done and why waste your emotions or stress levels attempting it.

I also know that I am not a child anymore, nor a teenager. I'm not even in my "early or mid 20's" and while you couldn't pay me to be 16 again, it's a tiny bit sobering to know that those days are getting farther and farther away.

And then I figured it out, Time was giving me a little nudge. He was all like" Look girl, you've got dreams, and you've to stop dreamin them and start livin them. I wait for no man and if you keep putting them off you are going to wake up one day and hate yourself for never trying"

Ok Time, I got it. Thanks for the heads up. You're right, time to stop talking and start doing. Like Wooderson says "L-I-V-I-N". But you know what? I don't care how old or grey I get, I'm never letting go of my unicorns.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains


so awesome.

photo taken from Coco De Coeur

What Ever You're Selling, Put Me Down for Three









I don't know what they're selling but I want it.

Ed Note: Soooooo, after reviewing my post I noticed I put my little smart ass caption right under a bunch of Euro-Crotch shots. I do not mean I want stuffed greasy tan crotch, I was merely illustrating that ads used to be way radder, less you thought I was a total pervo.....which I am....but that is not the point of this post.

I'll stop now.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Coffee, Tea or Me?









I'm in sitting in a terminal at SFO waiting on a delayed flight. Surprise, Surprise. How I long for the days of yesteryear when at least this would be waiting for me when I boarded.
*special shoutout to my friend Caroline who not only is a crazy super profficient Flight Attendent but a total babe to boot! Way to keep the spirit alive!

Monday, April 4, 2011

What's Your Sign?








I'm pretty obsessed with star signs, I have been known on occasion (by occasion I mean within 10 minutes of meeting you) ask a person's sign just so I can start making judgements based on their base personality traits before I even fully know them.

kidding.

kinda....

Anyway, being a Leo obviously means I like my sign the best. Typical of my breed I am gregarious as they come and live to be pampered and adored. Of course this means that when I was searching for vintage zodiac images and I couldn't find any amazing Leo ones I took it as a personal affront. Humph.


So, I'll throw the questions out there, What's your sign fellow Unicorner? Also, what do you like best about being said sign?
If anyone has any amazing vintage zodiac imagery, email it to unicornerog@gmail.com. I'm working on an extra special project with Donny I can't wait to share and zodiac has a little something to do with it.

xxoo

OG

Do it in a Van


You know you want these new bitchin prints from Dirty Donny.

If you are a boy, or a girl who likes the ladiez, it will make those femme fatales think you are mysterious and skilled.

If you are a girl, or a boy who likes the manly men it will make other macho dudes
think you are super bitchin and totally hip.

Was that confusing? I'm sorry, we had to include everyone, we don't discriminate on sexual preference here at the Unicorner. Love is love yo!

Long story short, buy them and you will get laid. In a van.
hot.
go here to buy

Friday, April 1, 2011

Summertime

It's starting to feel like summer out there